I Loved Khadija Novel Chapter Eleven
She made up her mind, gathered her thoughts, put her trust in her Lord, sought His help, and answered him with confidence.
Khadija patted his hands tenderly and smiled: I am by your side, Marwan, and I will not leave you. I will stay with you and help you until you feel better and stay away from all these things. Don't worry.
Marwan, happily and fearfully at the same time: Really, Dija!!! You mean you won't leave me? Pffff, I'm afraid I'll hurt you while I'm not conscious. Will you bear with me?!!!! I... I'll become a different person then..!!?
Khadija was reassured... and only God knows her fear and terror of what was to come: Don't be afraid, I will bear it and I won't leave you. I am your wife, and it is my duty to stand by you.
And don't worry, no one will know anything. A secret between you and me. Until God removes this distress... but the important thing is that you be honest with me and make up your mind and never return to these toxins again...
Marwan with love: I love you... I love you, the best thing in my life. Unfortunately, I don't appreciate the blessing God has bestowed upon me. By sending you to me. I promise I will change for your sake and so that when God blesses us with children, I will be worthy of them and be able to raise them well. I apologize for anything I did or said that upset you at any time... and I promise you, by God, I will get better and I will never do it again... I promise I will be worthy of a jewel like you.
Khadeja smiled hopefully: And after what you said, I will never leave you. Even if you asked me to. I won't leave you again.. and God is with us, and as long as our intentions are good.. then God will definitely be with us always and strengthen us...
Marwan mischievously: Okay, what do you think after we have dinner? Should we leave quickly because from today on I will sleep with you in your room.!!
He continued impudently while winking at her... It will be a crazy night, I will make you fly away, but from today on I will seriously be a new person..
Khadija shyly: Marwan, but stop talking like that... Ahem. And then, why were you watching me now?!!
Marwan smiled shyly at his situation and kissed her hand tenderly: Okay, I no longer have anything to hide from you. You will go back to our room together. Not yours alone. Come on, tell me what you want to eat... I'm sooooo hungry. I'm dying of joy.
They continued their evening, ate dinner, and had a different kind of time together. Then they returned home.
He was sitting in the garden, worried sick about her. Especially after he made his mother call her parents' house to check on her. Her mother told her that she had left with Marwan a long time ago.
Zain: I wonder where you are! What did he do to you?
Oh my God, I'm worried about her. I'm afraid he'll hurt her while she's with him, and why are they so late?
While he was in a state of anxiety and confusion, his brother's car drove by, and he turned to them eagerly. He saw them get out, looking happy and laughing.
He felt a twinge of jealousy, so he approached them lightly, struggling to hide his jealousy.
Marwan: Good evening.
Zain, with a mischievous face: Good evening. Thank God you're safe.
Marwan: God bless you. Is mom asleep?!
Zain, glancing at Khadija to gauge her condition: Yes, I waited a long time for you to have dinner together. When you were late, I called Aunt Mariam and told her that you left early. And your phones are off.
Marwan, looking at Khadija happily: We stayed up late and had dinner outside. I was trying to make up with my love because I upset her. But now she forgives me. Isn't that right, my love?
Khadija tenderly: Of course we have no one but each other. May God keep you for me.
Marwan approached her and kissed her head affectionately: And may God keep you for me, the most beautiful thing in my life. Let's go to sleep.
He said to his brother, "Good night, Zain."
He embraced her and they went inside. Amidst his brother's shock and jealousy, the pain nearly kills him as he sees them like this... here, a stranger and alone.
He doesn't wish them ill, but love, jealousy, and pain are things and feelings he feels against his will. It's not in his hands, for he loves her. If only he hadn't loved her in the first place, he would be at peace now. But it's fate!! Oh, fate and its will! It imposes things on us that are beyond our control but to live with them, willingly or unwillingly.
He suppressed his jealousy and pain and went up to his room, trying to fall asleep, but alas, where would sleep and rest come from?
He spent the night like all his other sad, deadly nights... a dark night added to his life... and his record of grief and suffering.
.....
Marwan and Khadija agreed that Marwan should seek help from a doctor specializing in addiction recovery. The doctor asked him to enter a rehab facility. Of course, Marwan refused, fearing that the news would spread. This would negatively impact his reputation, the reputation of his brother, his family, and Khadija's family, in addition to the impact on his work, his company, and his reputation among the public.
The doctor suggested that he go to a remote, quiet place, accompanied by one of his assistants, including Khadija, of course. He explained to him the difficulty of the matter and that it required willpower, determination, and resolve. And most importantly, a goal. Yes, a strong goal that would drive him to rid himself of these toxins.
And Marwan's goal was there... Khadija...so he resolved to leave the company to an assistant to manage it during his absence. He took Khadija and the specialized nurse the doctor had sent with him. He traveled to his chalet on the North Coast...
Days passed, and Marwan tried to persevere, trying to hold himself together, pretending to be strong. But signs of fatigue... and recovery began to appear. Constant sweating, heavy breathing, a pounding heart that would awaken the victim. A barbaric bullfighter in the bullring. Always pale... exhausted... nervous and angry...
On this day, he was at his worst, furious, destroying everything in sight, smashing everything he could reach.
Khadija and the assistant accompanying them tried to calm him down gently.
The assistant tried to restrain him and control him.
Assistant Hassan: Calm down... calm down, Marwan Pasha. You could hurt yourself... What happened to you? You were fine.
Marwan, breathing raggedly, his face pale, his eyes wandering, and his disheveled, crazy appearance: Get away from me... Get away from me, I'm telling you... Okay, look. Give me anything and I'll give you whatever you want... the amount you're asking for... Look, the money's here, take what's enough for you... Pffff. Pffff... I kiss your hand, I'm going to die, I can't take it anymore...
Hassan: Believe me, it won't work. You're starting to get better, and these toxins are starting to leave your body. Your body is starting to rid itself of them. Stay strong and carry on. Believe me, you will pray for me..
Marwan, please: Khadija, please, for my sake. One line and I swear I kiss your hand... It's easy for you to see me like this. I'm tired... tired... I swear
I have something to say to you, please relieve me...
Khadija was in pain and tears. She had never imagined that she would ever see this scene in her life. And who was the hero? Her husband. She was torn apart with pain and grief seeing him so weak and humiliated...
Khadija, lost: "It's against my will, Marwan. I swear it's not in my hands. You have to get better. You have to. Didn't you promise me that you would resist for me? Right?"
He pushed Hassan, knocking him to the ground. He rushed towards her and grabbed her wrist forcefully, shaking her violently. "I don't want treatment. I need heroin right now. Do you understand now? Or I'll kill you, Khadija. I'll kill you." Do you hear me?
Hassan tried to free her from him, but Khadija stopped him.
Khadija, in tears: Hassan, leave him, please. I'll deal with him.
Hassan, worried about her because of his agitation: This can't be right, madam. He might hurt you. You can't handle him alone.
Marwan, angrily: She told you to get out. Don't you listen? Leave us alone.
Khadija: Please, Hassan, go out now. I'll deal with him. Go out.
Hassan left, and Marwan followed him, closing the door tightly. He approached her, furious. He grabbed her arms tightly. "Are you going to give me the heroin or..."
Don't let me hurt you. I swear to God I'll kill you. You understand?"
Khadija, in fear, weakness, and tears, took steps back in terror at his state.
Khadija: Calm down... Calm down... Marwan, I'm your wife. You don't love me. Didn't you say you'd get better for me? Try.
The anger was clearly evident on his face, and his breathing was heavy and rapid, competing to rise. His exhalation was like the exhalation of a hungry lion. He took a step forward from her, and she took a step back.
Marwan: If you're afraid for yourself, give me what I want. Otherwise, I won't have mercy on you.
Khadija: No, no, you won't get anything. You've already passed a big stage and are about to get better. I swear to God, stay strong and resist. Resist for me. And seek help from God. God will support you and make you stronger. Please.
Marwan couldn't bear her words or advise her, as he was unconscious. He moved closer to her and began to beat her violently. Not a single inch of her body was spared his wrath. He beat her violently until she was in his hands like a corpse, not moving. She was bleeding from her mouth and other parts of her body. Not satisfied, he tore her clothes and seized her forcefully in a brutal, savage manner. He vented all his energy, anger, and body pain. After he finished, his strength had failed him, and he threw himself on the bed, heavy and exhausted, and fell into a deep sleep, unaware of anything around him.
As for her, she was in a pitiful state. Tired and in pain. Aching body, soul, and heart. Torn between her duty to stand by her husband and the price she was receiving for that. And the pain in her heart from longing for her beloved, from missing his presence beside her to protect her. Oh, if only you were with me now, this wouldn't have happened to me. You would have defended me. You're the only one who can control Marwan in this state, but it's a promise, and I promised him I would keep his secret, even from you. But I'm tired, I swear, I'm tired.
She raised her head to the sky, praying to her Lord.
Oh, God, help me with what you've afflicted me with. Help me to help him. Oh, God, make these days easier. Oh, God.
She got out of bed dragging her feet, unable to walk. She was staggering with fatigue. She pulled the bedsheet over her to cover her violated, bleeding body and went into the bathroom to wash. She stood under the water and turned on the faucet. The water poured over her, mixing with her blood. She sat in the bathtub crying and sobbing, hugging her body with her arms, seeking safety, seeking comfort. Tenderness. But where could she find them in these difficult days? She remained in this state, not realizing how much time had passed. Then she got up, washed herself, wrapped her body in her towel, and went out. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her wounds and bruises on her face and body, and her blue complexion. She sighed in pain and took some ointment for such bruises, applied it to her body, and put on her clothes. Then she cleaned the room of the traces of his assault hours before. After that, she performed ablution, prayed, and stood beseeching her Lord to end her torment and affliction. She cried... she cried a lot. After she finished her prayer, she got up and went to sleep on the couch in the room. She didn't want to share his bed after what had happened. She didn't want to wake him up. She wanted him to sleep as long as possible so he could heal quickly. She hugged herself tightly and laid her head down. Minutes later, she fell asleep soundly.
Hours passed and the sunlight pierced the pitch-black night. Its rays filtered in and woke up this exhausted sleeper. He tossed and turned in his sleep with exhaustion. His body was also in pain, tired and struggling to rid itself of the filthy toxins he had planted in it. He must endure what he had planted and reap the pain and regret until he could expel them and be healed.
He held his head in pain and sat up halfway. He looked beside him, but didn't find her. He scanned the room and found her curled up on the couch, sleeping. He frowned, wondering why she was sleeping so far away from him. And in a moment, he remembered what happened last night and what he did to her. He gritted his teeth, clenched his fist, and hit the bed with anger at himself and his weakness because of these cursed drugs... that made him do this to his beloved and wife. He pulled his pants that were lying on the floor, put them on, and went quietly and sat on his knees in front of her on the couch on the floor and looked at her with compassion and love. The bruises on her face and neck caught his eye. He closed his eyes in bitterness and remorse for hurting her like that. He gently pushed her hair away, approached her, and kissed her tenderly, wanting to apologize for what he had done. She felt him and opened her eyes. When she saw him with his bare chest close to her, she flinched in alarm and moved away from him, fearing that he would repeat what he had done yesterday. He saw her fear and panic, so he tried to calm her down. He held her hand, which made her even more afraid. He could not bear the fear and terror evident in her eyes. He pulled her closer and hugged her tenderly, regretfully, and apologetically. He hugged her tightly. And he cried with grief and regret and apologized to her. Over and over...
Marwan with tearful eyes: I'm sorry... I'm sorry, my love. I swear I never wanted to do this to you. I owe you, Dija, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. He shed tears of regret, pain, and apology... profusely.
She felt him, his weakness, his apology, and the dew of his tears on her neck. She pitied him and his situation.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him gently, and her tears flowed in sadness for his situation and hers as well...
Khadija crying: I know... I know it was against your will. And I forgive you, I swear... This is God's will and we must be patient with it.
He gently got out of her embrace and kissed her hands with love and gratitude for her kindness to him.
Marwan: No matter how much I apologize to you, I will never be able to repay you for what you did. No matter how much I thank you, I will never thank you the way you deserve. You kept my secret and didn’t disgrace me. Not only that, you stopped.
You were by my side and you put up with me. You put up with all this humiliation and suffering from me. So that I can get better and get better. You are not to blame for anything... What is your fault that you married a disgusting person like me, whose life is ruined and corrupt... And also you have to bear with him the cruelty of going back and fixing what was broken and dead..
He held her hands tenderly and brought them close to his mouth and kissed them with a passionate kiss that expressed his love and apology for her. He looked at her innocently. Weakness and true, sincere love, not deceitful or fake..
Marwan: I hit you hard, it didn't hurt. I wish my hand was cut off before it could reach you... I wish I died rather than hurt you like this... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, my love..
Khadeja: She placed her fingers on his lips to prevent him from finishing his sentence. May evil be away from you. You will get better, God willing, and be okay. Much has passed and now only a little is left. You are almost completely fine. And I am with you as I promised you.
She closed her eyes bitterly. And I will bear with you until you get better, even if you keep hitting me and doing what you did yesterday. I am satisfied, but the important thing is that you get better...
Marwan smiled: I really don't know what good I did in this world for God to bless me with you. You are a gift. And a very, very precious gift. I love you, Dija, I love you.
Khadija smiled: Okay, why don't you go wash up and perform ablution and come pray together and thank God for this gift. And we also pray to God to stand by us in this ordeal and bestow His grace upon us...
Marwan smiled happily, "Okay, I'll go take a shower and perform ablution. I won't be long." He kissed her lips tenderly, entered the bathroom, and closed the door...
She closed her eyes as she cried. What could she do?
She had to endure and endure until the end. She had to fulfill her duty and keep her promise. But as she thought, the image of her beloved appeared to her, and she remembered his calm, measured face and clear blue eyes that rivaled the sea in their magic and beauty. She smiled through her tears as she remembered his seductive side smile, which had a powerful effect on her, killing her with longing and passion. His scent, unlike anything she had ever smelled, was as if it had been made especially for him. She closed her eyes longingly, wishing to see him and enjoy his presence. But she quickly rebuked herself and scolded her heart for insisting on loving and adoring him, and remembering the one who didn't feel anything for her, the one who was the cause of her suffering and misery...
Enough, my heart... enough, and you're still committed to your promise... calm down and forget, please... I can't take it anymore... oh, how much I miss you, Zeiny... oh, because of you, Zeiny... but no matter what you do and no matter how much pain you cause me... you will always be the best of men in my eyes and their master... you... only you...
Marwan came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. His gaze fell on her, absent-minded. She didn't even notice him leaving the bathroom. He approached her, sat next to her, and extended his fingers to feel her cheeks warmly, while he looked at her lovingly.
Marwan smiled: "My love, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
She looked at him, not knowing what to say. She smiled gently and shook her head lightly.
Khadija: Nothing, I'm fine... Don't worry.
Marwan sensed that she might cry because of him, reprimand herself for marrying him, and feel remorse...
Marwan questioned: "Dija, you regret marrying me, right? I know, and believe me, I don't blame you. You're right to be remorseful."
She looked at him, lost, not knowing what to say. She truly regretted marrying him, but not because of what she'd learned about him and discovered about his addiction and past of wrongdoing. He regretted and repented. If she had loved him, she wouldn't have regretted it; she would have stayed by his side and never abandoned him.
But her regret now was because she followed her heart and married a man she didn't love. She married a man whose heart belonged to another man, who was his younger brother. She regretted what she'd done to herself, her heart, and her dignity. But she wouldn't be able to express what was on her mind. She wouldn't have the courage to tell him what was in her heart.
He was pained by her prolonged silence and was certain of his suspicion, that she truly regretted marrying him. He felt a pang in his heart.
Marwan said in pain: "Oh, to this extent, I regret it, Dija. But you're right. Any woman in your place would have regretted it."
She felt sorry for him because he wasn't to blame for what she was going through. It wasn't his fault that she loved someone else and didn't love him.
She reached for his chin, lifted his face to hers, looked at him tenderly, and smiled.
Khadija: "Who told you I regret marrying you?"
Marwan, we were destined to live together. It was our destiny. And I'm not upset. Do you know when I would have been upset and regretted it?
He looked at her eagerly, trying to find out why.
Khadija: If you had been stubborn and refused treatment, I would have truly regretted it. But after you made such a difficult decision, knowing its consequences, and endured it, you endured the pain, the exhaustion, and the nerves that get frazzled whenever your condition worsens. You did all of this because you truly repented and wanted God to forgive you, and also for me, so you could live happily with me... How could you regret it after all of this? It's not possible. The important thing is that you stay strong and continue... No one is infallible, Marwan. We are all guilty... and God has a deadline for each one of us to repent and stop sinning and disobeying Him... God is Generous and Merciful.
Marwan, with extreme happiness: That's right, Dija. It means you'll stay with me and never leave me... It means we'll continue together and have children... and you'll be a mother to my children... Right?
Khadija, with a deep, bleeding wound: No, I won't leave you... and whatever God has written for us, we'll see.
He pulled her closer, put his arms around her waist, and kissed her tenderly... He kissed her lips with love and longing, for he truly loved her more every day and held on to her more and more. He longed to be close to her more and more. His kisses intensified, and he held her tightly. Now the feeling was different. The longing was pleasurable, not like last night's suicide, devoid of spirit or life. He was unconscious.
She felt that things might escalate, and she wouldn't be able to stop him then. At the same time, she wasn't ready for that, especially after yesterday's bitter experience.
She tried to slip out of his grasp lightly, trying to pull him out of this state.
Khadija: Marwan, that's enough. I need to perform ablution so we can pray, and then I'll prepare breakfast for you. You slept last night without dinner.
Marwan was finding it difficult to stay away from her. His longing and desire for her had overwhelmed him. But what he had done to her last night was enough. So he pulled away, trying to hide his desire for her. He smiled and kissed her forehead tenderly.
Marwan calmly: But I'm not hungry, I'm full and I've had breakfast. He winked at her slyly... Your post is already a filling meal. You are the most beautiful breakfast, my love. Khadija shyly, pushing her hair behind her ear: No, of course not. You have to eat well during this period so your body can resist. These are the doctor's instructions. And you have to listen to what he says, khadija.
May you get through this crisis without any losses...
Marwan smiled at her concern and her burden of him and his health. "I am at your service, my dearest doctor. By God, you are the doctor, not him... You did what no one else could have done..."
Khadeeja: "Hahahahaha. Okay... Mr. Bakaash... make room, let me get up."
He made way for her, and she got up. She prepared breakfast for him, and they ate together.
She continued with him for the rest of the recovery period, tolerating his outbursts of anger and agitation. She also took care of his food and nutrition until he was completely cured of his illness. He made a full recovery and became a new person again. Or rather, he returned to his normal self before this trap... His doctor visited him there and checked on him... and allowed him to return to his normal life as he was.
.
They decided to return home, and indeed they did together. His mother and brother were waiting for them, eagerly awaiting them. Their absence was prolonged... and exhausted the heart of a passionate lover waiting to quench his thirst for deprivation and loneliness...
They entered the house and Fatima greeted them with joy: "Welcome, welcome, my sweethearts. I missed you so much, my children. This is all just a walk."
Marwan smiled and hugged his mother, missing her so much...
Marwan: "I missed you so much, my mother. How are you?"
Fatima: "And you, my light of my eye, I missed you so much. Tell me what's wrong. You look tired. You weren't sleeping well or what?"
She and her son were talking, while the two lovers were drowning in a sea of eyes... with an unparalleled longing...
She was drowning in the sea of his pure blue eyes. She embraced him with her eyes, yearning for him... She longed for his whisper before his words... for his sight from afar before he appeared before her with his captivating presence and presence...
As for him, he was not to be blamed... He drowned in the honey of her eyes and melted into their sweetness. He missed her, and his longing and nostalgia for her tore him apart...to pieces... He wished he could pull her into his arms and hold her tight, a hug that would make her ribs ache from the intensity of longing... Oh Khadija, how I missed you... and I missed the light of my eyes in your absence... How I wish to inhale your scent and your whispers... But there's nothing he can do, he can't do that...
Fatima: Oh Dija, don't you miss me?! Don't you miss me? Mama Fatima, why are you standing so far away? Come into my arms, I miss you, maybe more than Marwan...
And he hugged her with love and tenderness, for she truly loved her and indeed missed her very much. To her, she was the daughter she was never destined to have...
Khadija smiled tenderly: And I missed you too, I really missed you. Tell me, how are you?
Fatima: I'm fine, the important thing is that you are well. And happy!!!
Khadija sighed tiredly and exhausted: "Thank God. I'm fine."
Marwan: "How are you, Zein? I miss you."
Zein hugged and kissed him. He was jealous of him, but he didn't hate him or wish for his absence or harm. He was, after all, his brother: "I'm fine... and how are you?"
Marwan: "I'm fine, thank God. Tell me, were you stopping by the company like I asked you to?"
Zein: "Yes, everything is fine, don't worry. And I came back to follow up on everything yourself."
She felt dizzy, as if she were spinning in circles and unable to stop.
He glanced at her, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw her staggering. He frowned in annoyance. "I wonder what happened to her?!"
She couldn't stand and couldn't even speak, so she called for help. Her eyes clouded and she was about to fall..
But he didn't wait for her to call for help. He chased her with the agility of a cheetah, wrapped his arms around her waist, and held her in a frightened embrace, repeating her name anxiously..
Zain, terrified and frantically: Dija...!
I wonder what happened to her!!!
Is it really...?!!?
And if this is really the case, what will happen!!?
What more does fate have in store for these two lovers!!??
Is there really more!!!!?